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This is a weird day. I’m up and down like a friggin’ yo yo. I hate that. I have enough problems with depression to be adding this crap to it. And yea it’s my own fault. So don’t worry about it. If this concerns you don’t sweat. I’ll get over it, eventually. For now it’s best to just let the thing wear itself out. It may make me a little more prone to be over protective or over reactive. Please don’t take any of it too personally. The day started weird and is still sorta ‘sitting’ on me. I don’t have a better description than that. One of my friends has been on my mind all day long. And even now she isn’t far away. Don’t go reading innuendo into that statement. She’s my friend and I care about her. It really shouldn’t be such an odd thing to think about. This is a severely messed up world if it can’t accept that people actually give a damn about others. But that’s for another day. Ah geez. I promised to be happier today. Well, I guess I’m not. Sorry about that. No I’m not stressed or sad . . . just . . . I donno. I’m kinda in a strange state of mind. Don’t look at these words to critically. Okay well I guess I’m a little concerned. But it’s not the same as worrying. Okay I’m not making much sense. I guess I need more sleep. But I’m having to get up early since I have to start getting my body clock ready for school. Ugh. I can’t win. The story of my life.

The search for the “impossible dream” was a great thing for Don Quixote but for me it is merely an exercise in frustration. Not that the goal isn’t admirable. No it is a most noble goal. But when it seems that all the things you ever wanted are an impossible dream . . . it really does begin to wear one down. I know I sound pretty pathetic saying that, but it honestly. When the things you want are seemingly forever just beyond your reach it means one of two things. 1) Try harder or 2) Give it up; it was not meant to be. Currently I’m torn between which of these is the meaning of all this so far. ::sigh:: Yes I do get like this sometimes. Fret not. Life has a way of working out. It always does. ^_^ One way or another. Take care. See you on the flip side.

[Listening to: Nobody Loves Me – Portishead – (04:11)]

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